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Writer's pictureMichele Gogliucci

Understanding Relational Trauma

When the word "trauma" is mentioned, it often evokes images of catastrophic events—war, violence, accidents, or other single, profound incidents that abruptly and significantly alter one's life. However, there's a more insidious and less conspicuous type of trauma that lurks within the dynamics of close relationships. This is known as relational trauma, a concept that might not be as well-known but is equally impactful on an individual's well-being. To demystify this concept, let's delve into understanding relational trauma, in simple terms, and explore the nuanced nature of relational trauma, focusing particularly on its less severe but widely unrecognized forms.


Simplifying Trauma

At its core, trauma is a response to an experience that is overwhelmingly stressful, one that the mind and body are unable to process or cope with effectively at the moment. It's like the nervous system hitting a brick wall, unable to move forward or backward, stuck in a state of hyperarousal or shutdown. This can manifest in various survival behaviors, such as flight, fight, freeze, or fawn responses, and deeply affect one's attachment patterns, influencing how they form and maintain relationships throughout life.


Relational Trauma: Beyond the Single Incident

Relational trauma diverges from the more commonly recognized forms of trauma by its context and nature. It occurs within the framework of a close relationship, be it with a caregiver, a sibling, a partner, or a relative. Unlike the trauma stemming from a singular event, relational trauma unfolds over time, through ongoing exposure to a toxic or harmful dynamic.


This type of trauma can range from severe forms of abuse, including sexual and physical harm, to more subtle and insidious forms such as long-term emotional neglect or mental abuse. It's the latter that we'll focus on, given their widespread prevalence and lack of recognition. These forms of relational trauma are not marked by a single, catastrophic event but by a persistent undermining of one's sense of security, belonging, and self-worth within a relationship meant to be a source of comfort and support.


The Stealthy Nature of Emotional Neglect and Mental Abuse

The subtlety of long-term emotional neglect and mental abuse makes relational trauma particularly challenging to recognize, both by the victims and by those around them. Emotional neglect might manifest as a caregiver's consistent failure to attend to a child's emotional needs. This could mean not providing comfort during distress, failing to celebrate accomplishments, or not offering guidance through challenges. Over time, this neglect tells the child that their feelings are invalid or unimportant, laying the groundwork for issues with self-esteem and relationship-building in the future.


Similarly, mental or emotional abuse—such as constant criticism, belittlement, manipulation, or control—erodes the individual's sense of self and security. Unlike physical abuse, the scars left by these behaviors are not visible on the surface, making them harder to identify and address. The absence of physical evidence, combined with the slow build-up of these behaviors over time, often leads victims to normalize the treatment they receive, further obscuring the reality of their trauma.


The Ripple Effects of Unrecognized Trauma

The long-term, subtle nature of relational trauma means it often goes unnoticed, with profound implications for the victim's mental health and well-being. Because relational trauma directly impacts the nervous system and attachment styles, it can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships, issues with self-esteem, and a heightened state of vigilance or withdrawal as survival mechanisms.


Moreover, because this form of trauma is less likely to be recognized and validated by others, individuals may struggle to understand their own experiences and feelings. This lack of recognition can delay or complicate the healing process, as the first step to recovery is acknowledging the trauma itself.


Moving Forward: Recognition and Healing

The path to healing from relational trauma begins with recognition—both on a personal level and by those who can offer support. Understanding the subtle signs of emotional neglect and mental abuse, and acknowledging their impact, is crucial. Therapy, particularly approaches that focus on trauma-informed care and attachment theories, can be instrumental in addressing relational trauma. Through therapeutic work, individuals can begin to untangle the complex web of emotions and behaviors shaped by their experiences, learn healthier ways of relating to others, and, ultimately, start to heal the wounds of their past.



Finding Support With Michele Gogliucci, LCSW 

In closing, while relational trauma may not carry the overt shock of singular traumatic events, its effects are deeply felt and long-lasting. By shining a light on the less severe but pervasive forms of relational trauma, we can start to acknowledge the profound impact they have on individuals and take steps towards recognition, understanding, and healing. If you find yourself struggling understanding relational trauma, it may be time to seek the guidance of a professional like Michele Gogliucci, LCSW. Don’t hesitate a moment more, start a conversation with Michele today by contacting her here. 

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